It is all in the translation

Today we are going to Muse about language and translation.   If this is your first visit, welcome to Musings. If you have been here before, welcome back. Over time we are going to talk about many things: the past, the present, perhaps the future, travel, art, society and more. Wherever my musing takes me. I hope you will come along with me.

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It is all in the translation

A friend  visiting in  Beijing  was given this brochure by the hotel.  Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.   This was sent to me a while ago.  I have shared it before, but on the chance you did not see it,  I will again.  This is too wonderful.


Resist Bacteria Hotel

Resist Bacteria Hotel

Resist Bacteria Hotel Brochure

Getting There:

Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel:

This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:

Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:

Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.


Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above All:

When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

Odd translations like this are not exclusive to China.  Here are examples of signs seen around the world.

At a Budapest zoo:  PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:  “When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.”

On an Athi River highway:  TAKE NOTICE: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:  Guests are requested NOT to smoke or do other disgusting behaviors in bed.

In Nairobi restaurant:  Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.

In a New Zealand restaurant:  Open seven days a week, and weekends too.

Outside Paris dress shop:  Dresses for street walking.

Hotel, Zürich:  Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, is it suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

Sign at Mexican disco:  Members and non-members only.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:  It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

Athens hotel:  Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

more to come

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About Thomas L. Tribby

Professional artist: painter, sculptor, print maker. Maintains a studio in West Palm Beach, Florida
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1 Response to It is all in the translation

  1. Patty Molnar says:

    Looks like someone spent a lot of futile time with Google translate. I can’t imagine that finding a native speaker would be such a big problem.


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